


Seuraukset

by ThoseDaysThatWill



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Infidelity, M/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, These Boys are a MESS, both Finnish WJC gold-medal-winning Squads, did someone say they wanted 6k of backstory?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 13:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoseDaysThatWill/pseuds/ThoseDaysThatWill
Summary: Actions have consequences. Absolutely no one is prepared or willing to deal with that."I fucking hate that you have a good point." Roope finally admitted.Sebastian was annoyed that he wanted to laugh at that, "I know. I'm always right. You can admit it."Roope scoffed, "Not even half the time." He sighed, "What do you expect me to do with this? I mean besides kill Teuvo."





	Seuraukset

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [Neliödraama](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039065), though it is set both before and after, but can somewhat stand alone as well. 
> 
> Thank you, Hannah! This would not have happened without you. 💜
> 
> All mistakes are my own, but please be kind if you spot them.

After the first time Teuvo was with him, Kimmo _apologized_. Back then, Kimmo hadn't understood the extent of what that first time meant to him, but all the same, he told him he was _sorry, _that they _shouldn't _have done that, and that they _couldn't _ever do that again. He hadn't expected declarations or anything like that, but an apology by way of aftercare was _painful. _ And yet for days, Teuvo could only fall asleep remembering the sound of Kimmo's voice whispering how _beautiful _he was as he pushed inside him for the first time, _his _first time. He might not have told him that, but _some_ kind of realization had hit Kimmo when they'd fished, he didn't even get a kiss goodbye.

That first "we can't do this" lasted almost a week before he was calling him, asking if he could come over. Of course, Teuvo agreed. The second "we can't do this" lasted two days, the third was almost a month. He stopped keeping track after that. When Kimmo would tell him that they shouldn't be doing this, that he was too old or Teuvo was too young, that he was taking advantage of him, Teuvo would only sigh and shake his head. There was no use in trying to convince him otherwise, Teuvo had come to learn that eventually he would convince _himself_. And show up, just walk through the door like he owned the place. And Teuvo would welcome him back into his life, and his bed. If he _should_ have turned him down, the thought never occurred to him in the moment. (No matter how many times Esa 'suggested' it.)

He didn't tell him he loved him until after the won the Cup. He was proud of himself for that. He'd wanted to tell him a dozen times before, but he knew that Kimmo would have shook his head and told him he shouldn't. But that night, the high of the win with the help of alcohol, the words came out. Kimmo had laughed, but told him he loved him too. It didn't matter if it was because he was drunk or because he loved everyone after winning, all Teuvo cared was that he didn't tell him he was stupid for saying it. He'd said it a few more times since then, but it wasn't often. Kimmo didn't throw the words around casually. If he was going to say them, he was going to make sure Teuvo _believed _that he meant them. And, damn him, anything that came after that was a blur of agreement. It was "I love you, but we can't do this" or "I love you, forgive me?" and either way, the answer was always 'I love you too'. It didn't matter what he said after that, Kimmo knew the rest.

When Kimmo retired, that was supposed to be the perfect place to end their relationship. It had been good, but the distance was too much. He was going back to Philly, Teuvo was staying in Chicago, too much time and space, clean break. It was two weeks into the season when Kimmo walked through his front door and kissed him. It lasted almost a month before "we can't do this". The roller coaster went on throughout the season and each time, Esa's phone rang. Teuvo and Esa had grown up together, playing hockey for all the same Jokerit junior teams for _years._ They'd gone on to win World Junior Gold together. They'd never been romantically entwined, it might have been easier for both of them if they had, but Esa was the best friend he had and he didn't want to ruin that with anything messy. Esa talked him through each heartbreak, each promise never to take him back, each 'one more chance'. Esa reminded, and conjoled, and chided, but in the end he supported him, and that was what he needed.

The trade was the _next _perfect place to end their relationship. New team, fresh start, it made sense. The call came just after the second game of the season, after he'd scored his first goal for his new team. "I want to come see you." There was a little hint of something in Kimmo's voice. Teuvo wouldn't have called it doubt, because of course Kimmo knew exactly what the answer would be, but all the same there was _something. _"I would have come already, if you were still in Chicago."

It occured to Teuvo that Kimmo didn't show up because he didn't know where he was living. In Chicago, he'd had a key to his apartment, he came and went as he pleased. He liked Teuvo to come to his house, sit down for dinner, play hockey with his children, but he'd only sleep with him at Teuvo's, so the kids couldn't walk in, he said. That was what he was hearing in his voice, he _couldn't _come see him until Teuvo gave him permission. He couldn't just walk back into his life this time, Teuvo would have to let him in. He didn't hesitate. He _should _have, but he didn't. "I can give you my new address."

Kimmo made an approving sound, "I can be there on Saturday." He paused, "If you want me to."

Teuvo sighed, "Of course I do. I miss you."

He could _feel _Kimmo's shoulders drop even across the miles, "I miss you too, Teukka. I love you. Will you forgive me my... fear?"

Teuvo sighed again, "I love you too. I forgive you."

It felt like reading a script, it went the same way every time. It wasn't that he didn't mean it, or that he thought Kimmo didn't mean it, but it was tiring to play the same scene over and over. All the same, he would do it, every time. He would wait for him and he would forgive him, because what else could he do? He couldn't imagine being as in love with anyone as he was with Kimmo. He'd never feel the same sense of comfort in anyone else's arms. When Kimmo arrived in Raleigh, Teuvo pressed the key to his new apartment into his hand, before leading him back to his bedroom.

It was much later, curled up against him, eyes closed, his head on Kimmo's chest, that they actually _talked_. Kimmo had picked the key back up and was drawing light designs on Teuvo's arm, "Do you like it here?"

"Mmhmm. So far." He sighed against the shivers.

Kimmo pressed a kiss into his hair, "What about that rookie?"

Teuvo laughed, "Sepe? He's... a lot."

"Already familiar with him?" His voice was so faux casual it was almost comical. 

Teuvo picked his head up to look at him, "Are you jealous? I barely know him."

He was fairly certain that Sebastian would have been in his bed the first day he met him, if he had allowed it. But of course he hadn't. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to him, or that he didn't seem like a really good time, because he seemed to be. And _technically_, Teuvo was single. But every time he thought about being with someone else, he heard Kimmo's voice whispering how his body was _his, _how he was _his_. No other hands had been on his body like that, and he was having a hard time imagining ever having any other in the future. And maybe if Kimmo hadn't called, if he hadn't stormed back into his life, maybe he would have. But he _had_ called, and lying in his arms, he couldn't imagine ever having such a thought. 

Sebastian had moved into his spare bedroom sometime after that because he needed a place to stay, and eventually a lot of the team assumed they were dating. And it wasn't for lack of trying on Sebastian's part. Teuvo had to admit, though, that he enjoyed the attention, and he genuinely _liked _him. He was energetic and silly and a little weird (he was from Oulu after all), but he was _fun_. Sebastian had told him about a 'friend' (his word) playing back home that he was very close to. And if he had a few drinks, he would tell him _all _about this friend, in excruciating detail. They weren't dating, Sebastian assured him, though Teuvo wasn't sure he believed that. It didn't matter, though, because _he _had a boyfriend. Most of his team knew that much, not everyone knew _who_, until Kimmo decided that secret should be shared.

Teuvo had been focused on his locker, fighting with a skate that wouldn't hook properly in its place when he was grabbed and spun around. He dropped the skate as a mouth covered his own. He didn't need to have seen him, he knew Kimmo just by the feel. He closed his eyes and slid his arms around his neck, enjoying every bit of the kiss. He felt Kimmo's arms wrap around him, hands settling on his ass, and he moaned, pressing as tight against him as he could. There was nothing at all to be mistaken about their relationship and it was in the middle of the locker room and Teuvo couldn't have been happier. He hadn't asked for it, he hadn't expected it, but the display meant a lot to him. And if Kimmo was using it to stake his claim, all the better. 

A couple wolf whistles from behind him pulled him out of the kiss. He buried his face in Kimmo's shoulder, mumbling, "Nice surprise." 

Kimmo laughed, "I missed you."

He smiled, "I missed you too. I need to finish getting changed, but then we can grab lunch, okay?" 

Kimmo nodded, "Mmhmm, but I have another surprise for you... I'm here for a week." 

Teuvo's eyes widened, "A _week?!" _When he had come to visit in Chicago, the stays were at most a couple days.

"Clear schedule, homestand, I thought I'd take advantage of it. Too much?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"Fuck no! _No! _ That's great!" Teuvo paused, a blush coloring his cheeks, "Did you know this week...?" 

Kimmo laughed, "You mean do I remember when we first got together? Yes, I do. It may not have been the smoothest two years, but... I _love_ you, Teukka." 

Teuvo couldn't have smiled more, "I love you too." He started to move in to kiss him when he heard a throat clear behind him. He sighed, he already know who it was and it wouldn't do anyone well to ignore him. That just encouraged him to get more obnoxious. 

"Are you going to introduce me to your 'friend'?" Sebastian raised a suggestive eyebrow. 

Teuvo sighed, rolling his eyes. He turned to Kimmo gesturing back, "This is Sepe, my roommate, linemate, and general pain in my ass." He looked to Sebastian, "This is Kimmo. My _boyfriend_."

Sebastian held his hand out, finally putting his attention on Kimmo. And _froze, _eyes wide, mouth open. "You're Kimmo _Timonen_." 

Kimmo laughed, "That's what my passport says." 

Sebastian looked back to Teuvo, "You didn't think... in _all _the time you talked about him, to mention _who _he is?!" 

Teuvo shrugged, "I told you his name."

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me his _whole _name. He's...." He trailed off, looking Kimmo up and down, "Daddy is doing well for himself." 

If it was possible to die from embarrassment, Teuvo would have dropped right then. As it was, his cheeks flushed hot, "_Don't," _he pleaded.

Kimmo's lips set in a hard straight line, but he didn't say anything, looking between the two of them. 

Sebastian grinned, "So sorry. I'll show _Kimmo _around, you finish getting dressed, and we can _all _go to lunch." 

Teuvo knew that arguing was pointless, "Try to be... a _little_ normal?"

Sebastian's grin grew, "You know me." 

He groaned, "That's what I'm afraid of."

Lunch turned out not to be as horrible as he thought it would be, and Sebastian did calm down. Later, he found out that he had spent the 'tour' hitting on Kimmo in his usually exceptionally effective ways, to see if he would take the bait. Of course he didn't, but the test made Teuvo smile, he liked that Sebastian cared enough to make sure. The week flew by and Teuvo was happier than he could ever remember being without holding a silver cup over his head. Which, of course, meant something had to happen to change that. Unfortunately for him, that was when the Blue Jackets came to town.

. . . . 

"How has your trip been?" Scott leaned back in his chair, the glass in front of him already half empty.

Kimmo took a sip of the glass placed in front of him, "It been good. He's doing really well here."

Scott nodded, "And you?"

Kimmo sighed, "Don't retire, Scott."

He laughed, "Maybe a year. Maybe not. Not as young as I used to be."

"Who is?"

Scott raised an eyebrow, "Now that you asked--"

"I walked right into that, didn't I?" Kimmo shook his head.

"Every time we think we've got you past this... you go back." He sighed, "His ass _can't _be that good."

"It's not about the sex." Kimmo insisted.

"It's always about the sex. And fine, if he was good, but you hit it and you pass it on. You do not _keep _a fuck."

"He's _not_ a fuck." Kimmo's tone was sharp, warning Scott he was pressing too hard.

Scott held up his hands, indicating he was going to drop it. He sighed, "Sami's in a snit."

Kimmo scoffed, "There's something new. We helped him buy a whole damn team. What more does he need?"

Scott took a drink before answering, "Seem that Kassu knows your..." He glanced up, "What do you call him?"

Kimmo gave a short laugh, "He likes the word boyfriend."

Scott groaned, "God. You're forty years old."

He shrugged, "It doesn't bother me."

"That you're forty or that your _boyfriend _is twenty?"

"Twenty-one."

Scott rolled his eyes, "If you're going to pull that it's-not-twenty-years-it's-nineteen bullshit on me, I'm going to punch you square in the face."

Kimmo held his hands up, "What was your point?"

He paused, thinking for a minute, "Oh yeah, Kassu knows your _boyfriend's _roomie. They played together... something Finnish."

"World Juniors, probably." Kimmo offered before he could realize that wasn't the thing to say.

Scott raised his eyebrows, "World _Juniors... _how long ago was that for you?"

"I don't remember." Kimmo lied.

"I can look it up. Or you can just tell me." Scott moved to take his phone from his pocket.

" '94." He admitted.

Scott nodded, "Mmhmm... and what year was your _boyfriend _born?"

Kimmo closed his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath, " '94."

"Yeah, that's really fuckin' normal."

Kimmo let out a slow breath, "I know. I _know_. You can't say anything to me I haven't said to myself."

"I was talking to Sami about this--"

"Of course you were. If I can count on my closest friends for anything, it's talking about me behind my back."

Scott shrugged, "I already knew how KalPa was doing, you're our other favorite topic of conversation. And he brought up a good point."

Kimmo finished his drink and waved the waitress over for another one, "Yeah?"

"What would you think if I slept with Samuel?"

He sat up a little straighter, "That's different. You're his godfather." Kimmo pointed out.

Scott shook his head, "You're splitting hairs there. I'm... seventeen years older than him. What would you do?"

"Kill you."

Scott held his hands open in a 'you see my point' gesture.

"But it's not the same thing. Samuel is still a child. And my _son_. And I _know _how you are."

"He's almost eighteen, that's not too far off twenty-one. But you're missing my point. You wouldn't allow it for your son because you _know _it's a bad idea. But you're going to turn around and do this to someone else's son? What do your boyfriend's parents think of you?"

Kimmo sighed. He had met them, once. Teuvo made him promise not to give away their relationship, because they wouldn't understand. He agreed. He hadn't thought about why, Teuvo asked him and he agreed. They had dinner together and it was the kind of uncomfortable formal that you have with people you can't wait to talk about the moment they can't hear you. "I don't know." He admitted.

"Do they know you're dating?"

Kimmo shrugged, "I don't know, they might." It was a lie. He knew that Scott would see right through it.

Scott didn't even pretend he believed him. "Here's the deal: You only hide shit if you think it's wrong. If this was a good _healthy _relationship, you'd both be flaunting it. But you're not, because you know there's something fucked up about it. And every fucking time we get you to see that, you're going right back to him. Why can't you let him have a _normal _healthy relationship? Why do you keep dragging him back?"

Kimmo sighed, "Because I love him."

"That's so fucking stupid. You're confusing good sex and love like _you're _fucking twenty. When are you going to grow up and let him go?"

Kimmo wanted to get angry, but god he was so _tired_. 

The week had been wonderful, but watching him at practice, how easily he took corners or got up from contact, reminded Kimmo of how old his body felt. He hadn't told Scott about watching Teuvo and Sebastian interact, but he had a feeling he didn't have to. He was right about a lot of what he'd said. Teuvo did deserve to have a normal relationship. And he could see how easily he'd be able to have one with Sebastian. But all the same, he saw him lying in bed with him at night, and the way he smiled when Kimmo told him he loved him. How could he walk away from that?

Over the years, he'd been able to convince himself that it was the best thing for Teuvo for them to be apart. But he'd miss him, _god_ how he missed him. But every time he was weak, and called Teuvo and went back to him, his buddies would remind him how selfish he was for dragging him back into what they all knew wasn't an appropriate relationship. Sometimes the talks would take, sometimes they wouldn't. He knew Teuvo deserved so much better. But Scott was wrong about one thing, though... Kimmo did love him, more than he'd ever loved anyone. 

That was _why_ he had to walk away. For good. 

. . . .

Their relationship stretched all the way to the end of the summer, when "we shouldn't do this" reared its ugly head. The reasons were the same and Teuvo barely listened. He was so sick of it. They'd been together almost a whole year this time and he loved every second of feeling like he was in a _real_ relationship, with a boyfriend (they had _actually_ used the word this time) that came to see him and that loved him. He wanted that. He didn't want to go back to two months off, three weeks on, like they had been in Chicago. So he made a stand. This time, he told him, if he left, he was gone for _good_. Unfortunately, it backfired, Kimmo said he agreed, that it was what was best for both of them and he returned his key to Teuvo's apartment in Raleigh.

Teuvo had never been as drunk as he was that night. Kimmo had never given the key back, that was too real, too final. He called Esa, of course, and had planned to just rant at him over the phone until he passed out. The knock on his door twenty minutes into the call startled him, and he spent the rest of the night alternately sobbing into his alcohol and trying _very_ unsuccessfully to flirt with Esa. At least, that's what he was told the next morning. He'd been poured into bed, still dressed. Esa had joined him, but Teuvo had no memory of anything that happened after he switched from whiskey to vodka early on in the evening. Which, judging by how carefully Esa described the evening, was for the better.

The rest of the summer was a blur. He wasn't drunk the whole time, but when he was, he didn't go lightly. He went out a few times with Esa and John, but third-wheeling isn't fun for anyone, least of all the third wheel. Once, he thought he caught wind of John suggesting _something_, but he was pretty sure Esa stepped on his foot, because he didn't finish the sentence. Overall, he spent most of his time alone, or at least alone inside his head, even if he was with people. Though he would admit it to no one, he did make the four hour drive to Kuopio once, and sat outside one of Kimmo's clubs. He'd had a plan, it was going to help him move on. Picking up someone in a club was one thing, but picking up someone in _this _club was something else. Something spiteful, though only he would know about it. He never got out of the car.

Things started looking up when he got back to Raleigh. Part of him had expected a call before the summer was over, and when it didn't come, he was determined to _actually _move on. He wouldn't say he _used _Sebastian for that, but maybe a little at first. They were already friends, very close friends. And if he encouraged his energetic flirting a little more than he had the year before, well that was a fantastic distraction. He also made a point to take him on _dates, _actual planned specific dates. He and Kimmo had been 'sex first, dating later' and he was determined to do exactly the opposite with Sebastian. Of course that had _nothing_ to do with the fact that the idea of sex with anyone else made his stomach knot up. Even during his miserable summer, he'd never been with anyone else. 

Teuvo found himself drawn to spending time actually getting to _know_ Sebastian and was surprised at how much there was under the surface. Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised, but he was. And he _liked _it, liked _him_. And the longer they spent in each other's pockets, the more that grew. This time Teuvo didn't wait to say the words, once he realized that he had fallen in love, he told Sebastian. When the feelings were reciprocated, he finally allowed himself to believe he _had _moved on. He had a boyfriend who he loved, who loved him, and who everyone else seemed to think was _perfect _for him. He finally allowed Sebastian to take him to bed that night. He made it easy to believe this is what a relationship was _supposed _to be like.

Except, of course, for Roope. Sebastian was always honest with him, though. Teuvo knew from the beginning there was someone else in his life, someone very important to him. But he wasn't in Raleigh and Sebastian's complete attention was enough to make him forget about that other complication. Everything was talked about, explained, put into neat boxes, it all made sense. Except for insisting that he wasn't his boyfriend (too). Teuvo watched them talk on the phone, Sebastian draped sideways over the chair, his head tipped back. He watched the way he laughed, the smile he had... it was different. It wasn't better or worse, just different. But that was okay. He had a lot for him too, and promised him that he could handle both. And he _could_. Teuvo wasn't so sure about himself, though. 

Teuvo was a monogamous person, by nature. That didn't mean that he wasn't willing to be a part of Sebastian's polyamorous relationship, just that he couldn't do it himself. Which meant that dating Sebastian _proved _to himself that he was completely over Kimmo. And it was perfectly _fine _that he didn't call anymore, and that years passed without so much as a word. He didn't want to hear from him anyway. He had a boyfriend that he loved and was perfectly happy with. And if Sebastian wanted to spend his summers apart, because he was busy going from one event to the next, that was fine too. He kept himself busy enough in the city. It was no big deal, he had his events and training and whatever (but not _whoever_) else. That he knew Sebastian had 'what' and 'who' was also fine. The new season couldn't come fast enough, but that was because he missed hockey. 

Teuvo always had a sense that everything was temporary, but he tried to push away. Sometimes he was successful, but that didn't mean it wasn't still there. He couldn't have _all _of Sebastian, even if he wanted it. Esa pointed out that he had such a bad habit of going after emotionally unavailable people. He'd flirted with Esa much more after he'd met John, than before, because that was safe and easy, it wasn't going to go anywhere. He dated Sebastian because he wasn't _expected _to give all of himself, Sebastian wasn't looking for it, so he didn't need to try to fool him as much as he was trying to fool himself. And Kimmo... well, that was whatever it had been and wouldn't be again. He had almost convinced himself by the time that lie was completely ripped away. 

He hadn't expected Sebastian to show up in Helsinki that summer, but that he was impulsive enough to just show up on his doorstep wasn't all that surprising. He had been in Tampere (of course) but Roope had a _thing _(his word)and so he thought he'd use that free time to come see him. Teuvo didn't complain, it was nice not to be lonely. Sure he had lots of family and friends to spend time with there, but that wasn't the same. It felt good to know that Sebastian missed him, too. And to be honest, he was getting more than a little horny, but besides that it felt good not to sleep in an empty bed.

Teuvo was in the kitchen, having showered first, waiting for Sebastian to get ready. They couldn't shower together, or they'd never get anywhere, and they had reservations for dinner. He was just finishing his drink, planning to wash the glasses as something to pass the time. A distracted mind was his only excuse for not having heard the front door unlock. 

"Teukka." That was Kimmo's voice, he could pick it out anywhere.

He just froze. He was fucking _hallucinating _and that wasn't okay. He was _over_ him, there was no _goddamn _reason he should be imagining his voice in his damn kitchen. It had been _years _since he'd been in there. Why would his mind do this to him? And that was when he felt his hand on his shoulder, his whole damn _presence_ right behind him. He didn't startle, but he closed his eyes, tightening the grip so much that a weaker glass would have shattered. He wanted to say 'please no' but the words wouldn't come out. And they were a lie anyway. 

Very slowly, he put the glass down on the counter and turned around. He was _real_. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Teuvo started to say his name, but was cut off by Kimmo's lips against his own. The kiss startled him so much, he couldn't respond at first. But _oh fuck_, the feelings hit him like a ton of bricks and his arms wrapped around his neck completely against his will. Once he started kissing him back, he felt Kimmo's body relax against him and he couldn't imagine anything that could have felt better. He let himself go completely, the kiss, the feeling of the man now holding him tight, was the only thing in his mind, the only thing that would _ever _be in his mind if his heart had its way in that moment. 

. . . .

"So I was thinking we--" Sebastian froze in the doorway of the kitchen and stared. Some part of his brain told him to turn around and make sure he was in the right apartment, despite the fact that he'd just walked out of the shower and he was fairly sure the bathroom only had one door. It wasn't exactly _his _apartment (he didn't have a key), but he had been living there for the week he'd been visiting and Teuvo was standing in the kitchen, which was where he expected him to be, but...

He was _kissing_ another man. The kind of kiss that earns movies R ratings, with hands on ass, and moans, and everything. Sebastian was sure he was supposed to be immediately mad or upset or something like that, but all he could think about in that first split second was how much he couldn't _wait_ to tell Roope. In the seconds after that, all the other emotions filtered in. _What the fuck?! _He couldn't take his eyes off them. There was his _boyfriend_, in his kitchen, making out with _Kimmo fucking Timonen_. 

"Excuse me?" Sebastian cleared his throat. Kimmo's head snapped up, but Teuvo took a moment longer to blink his eyes open. Neither of them moved away from the other, though. Sebastian put his hands on his hips, careful not to knock his towel loose. He wasn't the one putting on show here. "Am I interrupting?"

Teuvo sighed, "Uh..."

Sebastian gave him a very pointed once over, "Do you want to go change your pants while Daddy and I chat?"

"_Sepe!_" Teuvo took in a deep breath, "Don't. Just... don't. Give me a chance to explain."

Sebastian noticed how flushed Teuvo's cheeks were, but there was a slightly glassy look in his eyes, a little dazed. He hadn't seen that look before from him, but he could read it well enough. If his shower had been a little longer, he _really _would have walked into a show right in the middle of the kitchen. "Yeah? This should be good."

Teuvo sighed, "Can you go get _dressed_ first?" 

"I'm the one being indecent?" Sebastian just couldn't help himself, but he didn't wait for a reply before heading off to the bedroom. The minute he could, he grabbed his phone, texting Roope.

<< _Going to call soon, don't be busy. You want to hear this._

>> _At your beck and call, like always._

He didn't miss the eye-roll emoji that followed before he tossed the phone aside. He quickly pulled on his jeans and stole a t-shirt from Teuvo's closet. By the time he made his way back out to the living room, Teuvo and Kimmo were sitting on the couch, not too close, but not formally either. Thankfully, they weren't kissing. Their heads were tipped close together, though, as if they had been talking, but they both fell silent when he walked in. 

Sebastian took a seat opposite them, tucking his legs under himself, "Okay, I'm ready for the story now." 

Teuvo took in a deep breath, glance to Kimmo and then back to Sebastian, "You know we used to.... uh, _date_, but he-- _we _decided that we shouldn't be together anymore... and then you and... you know that part. This... I didn't expect him today. He just..." He sighed, "You have Roope." 

"You know about Roope." Sebastian countered. 

Teuvo sighed again, "I... we weren't together. It was the past and..." 

"Okay, I get that much. But how about the making out in the kitchen thing?" 

Teuvo chewed on his bottom lip before answering, "He.... surprised me."

"In the kitchen?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. 

"I let myself in." They were the first words Kimmo had said, but clearly he could pick his moments. 

Sebastian slowly looked from him, to Teuvo, "He has a key?"

Teuvo nodded slowly, "He's had it since... uh, since Chicago... I guess I kinda forgot he had it. He gave me the key back for my place in... North Carolina." 

Sebastian knew full well that sarcasm wasn't going to help the situation, but it had always been his first defence, "Is that the one you gave me?" 

Teuvo frowned, "No, you had one before he gave his back." 

Sebastian scoffed, "Now I know why I don't have a key to _this_ place." He had no room to talk, Teuvo didn't have a key to his Oulu house either, but that wasn't the point. He was annoyed that Teuvo had given a logical answer to his sarcastic question.

"Sepe..." Teuvo was terrible at keeping emotions off his face (he was the worst poker player on the whole team) but right now his expression was such a jumble, Sebastian couldn't read what exactly he was feeling. Which was fine, because he didn't know what he himself was feeling either. He was angry, sure, but he was something else too. Something he didn't expect to feel. In a weird way, part of his mind was _happy_ for him. Not that he'd ever admit that. 

"No, I get it. I mean I don't get _him_, but I get what you're saying." Maybe that was mean, but he really didn't care in the moment. "So I'm going to go back to Tampere. I get that coming to see you was _my _mistake, I was _clearly _stepping on your time with Daddy."

"Sepe..." Teuvo tried again, but just sighed.

"You've said my name twice now. _What?" _He snapped.

Teuvo flinched a little, but if Sebastian was supposed to feel bad about it, he didn't. "I didn't know he was going to come here. I was glad to see you. I _missed _you. You're mad like I've been cheating on you. I _haven't_." He sighed, "But.. he..." He glanced over to Kimmo and Sebastian saw it, that _look_. That look that told him everything he needed to know. Teuvo wasn't even going to put up a token struggle, he was going right back to the guy. Not even a thought to their relationship, just right back to _Daddy_. If he'd ever _not _been with him. Sebastian couldn't be sure of that, no matter what he said. Teuvo sighed again, "I'm sorry. I _love _him."

It wasn't like he didn't know that, but fuck picking the ex over him. He stood up, grabbing his keys, "I left some stuff in your bedroom, just bring it with you to Raleigh, I'll get my stuff there when we get back. Good thing I kept my own apartment." He looked down at the keyring in his hand, and maybe _spite _wasn't the best emotion to let win in the moment, but Sebastian never pretended to be perfect. He picked one of the keys off the ring, sliding it along the loop. He tossed it down on the coffee table, glancing at Kimmo, "Guess that's _yours, _at least for now." Without another word, without looking back, he walked out the door, closing it behind himself. He didn't even wait until he got to his car to dial.

Roope picked up on the first ring, "That was fast. So what's the gossip?"

Sebastian exhaled sharply. He had been angry, he'd been hurt, he'd been a bunch of things that he couldn't name, but hearing Roope's voice and all of those emotions relaxed. They were still there, but they weren't so painful, so acute. He might have even smiled a little, "You are not going to believe this."

"You caught _Teukka_ doing body shots off a hooker." He laughed.

Sebastian scoffed, "You are _so _close."

"Wait, what? Which part?" He could _hear _Roope sitting up straighter.

"I got out of the shower to find Teukka kissing Kimmo fucking Timonen in his kitchen." Saying the words out loud made the whole thing feel like a movie he saw rather than his real life. There was silence on the other end of the line. "Roope?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm here. Uh... You want to run that one by me again?" He was blinking rapidly, Sebastian knew. He could see crinkled nose and the tilted head so clearly. He probably ran a hand through his hair.

Sebastian gave a short humorless laugh, "It doesn't sound any less fucking weird hearing it again. Full making out. And five minutes later, I would have been walking onto a porn set. Which... woulda been kinda hot. But that's not the point." 

"God, you're a slut, and I love you for it, but hold on. Daddy's back? Why is everyone picking up old guys?" Roope asked.

"I know, you bucked the trend and picked up a kid, but you are missing the fucking point."

"It's weird. He was _drafted _three years before I was _born_." That was Roope's favorite fact about him.

"Can we focus on the part where he had his tongue down my boyfriend's throat?!" Sebastian snapped. 

"Oh shit, he's not supposed to do that." Roope coughed, "Wait. Why the fuck was Teuvo kissing _anyone?"_

"That's kinda my fucking point, asshole!" Sebastian didn't mean to take anything out on him, and he knew he'd understand that. 

Roope didn't miss a beat with the misplaced anger, "What'd you say to them?" He asked.

"That I was going back to Tampere and he could fuck himself." 

Roope gave a short laugh, "Did you really?"

"Well... kinda. I mean I told him I'm going back to see you. You're back, right?" At Roope's affirmative sound he continued, "I gave him back my key to our-- _his _apartment in Raleigh. I don't even think he fucking _cared_. You should have seen the way he looked at him. Guy is old enough to be his dad, and he's looking at him like... like..." He trailed off.

"Like you look at me?" Roope offered, probably with a bit of a smirk. 

Sebastian scoffed, "You wish. He looked like he was about to drop to his knees in front of him."

"Horny?" Roope offered. 

Sebastian groaned, "No, you useless slut! Not to suck his dick, but like to kiss his feet. I've never seen him look like that before."

Roope paused, "You consider the fact he _loves_ the guy?"

"Yeah. But he hasn't been around in two years. I mean I've been with him for two years, and he was never around once they broke up. But--" He sighed sharply, "I don't know. I fucking _hate _that I don't know. He has a _key_. I didn't have a key to that place. And he was kissing him like he was still damn familiar with his body. And... fuck. A key _means _something, doesn't it?" 

"I guess so. Meant something when I gave you mine." Roope admitted. 

"What'd it mean?" He asked. 

Roope didn't respond right away. "It meant I wanted you in my space. The one here just makes sense, because you can show up whenever you want. And it's not like you're in Dallas much, but... I don't know. My places are yours. Like I told you when Miro was here, you have a key for a _reason_."

_It means you're my boyfriend, _Sebastian heard him saying without saying. "See? Yeah, that's what I mean. But he keeps the Helsinki key but gives back the Raleigh one? Why would-- Wait. Do you think they get together every summer?" He was focused so hard on the question that he nearly drove through a red light, stomping on the breaks in time, "Fuck."

"Breathe." Roope took in a deep breath, as if to demonstrate. "I don't want to be the one to point out that _you _get together with someone every summer. But you _do_."

Sebastian scoffed, " He said that too, but he _knows_ about you, I told him when he and I got together, he was fine with it. I am not fine with him sneaking around with Kimmo fucking Timonen! I knew they dated before, but I sure as fuck didn't know they were _still _dating. He _said _he's a one-guy kind of guy, but now I find out he's fucking someone else, too!" 

"You don't know he was." Roope pointed out. 

"Yeah, I do. I saw how he looked at him. They never broke up, they just got caught. You remember you said who would want my boy besides me? Now we know who _had _him besides me. And that _sucks. _Cheaters suck." He huffed. A moment later, the connection dawned on him, "Fuck... I think I just sympathized with Eeli fucking Tolvanen, didn't I?"

"Yup." Roope had clearly made the same connection. "Am I about to get a lecture?"

Sebastian sighed, "I think so." 

"Okay, go ahead." 

Sebastian sighed, "Part of me thinks that I shouldn't be pissed that Teukka cheated on me. I mean I get that went to see him because _my boyfriend_ was busy. But I _am _pissed. And it's not the same with us, I told him all about you, he knew I was going to see you, that I _love _you. I didn't hide anything from him about that. That's not cheating. I never cheated. But he _told _me things were over with _Daddy_. And he was _just _dating me. That's the difference." He huffed, "I fucking hate this." 

"Yeah, this sucks and I want to kick his fucking ass." Roope sighed, "But this is different than me and Miro." 

Sebastian scoffed, "No, it's not! You just want it to be. You and Miro might have talked about what your relationship is and whatever, but no one talked to Eeli. No one asked him if he wanted to be in your relationship. Isn't that part of why our shit works? Because we know about everything? Eeli didn't get that chance. Because Miro knows full well he would kick his ass to the curb. _He's _cheating. That's why I'm pissed at Teukka, because I didn't get the chance either. And I wouldn't have _cared _if he wanted to keep Daddy on the side, whatever, if he had just _told _me. It's weird fucking a guy that old, but I don't care. I'm just pissed that he _lied_ to me!" 

Roope was silent and Sebastian just let it hang in the air for a long moment. He had been honest with Roope when he told him he didn't care if he kept Miro, and that was still true. Maybe he wouldn't have _picked _that his boyfriend (he'd been calling him that a lot longer than Roope knew) was _in love _with someone else, because he was an idiot with emotions, but they could keep it compartmentalized. That was what they did, what they'd always done. He wasn't that much of a hypocrite. He loved Teuvo too. He had always known he didn't have Teuvo's complete heart, but since he wasn't giving his, he didn't care he wasn't getting that back, no matter how monogamous he said he was. If he had thought about it, he would have assumed it was pining, not another whole relationship. But getting smacked in the face with the difference between how he and Roope did things and how Miro, and obviously Teuvo, did things was _painful_. Which left him feeling bad for Eeli of all fucking people. 

"I fucking hate that you have a good point." Roope finally admitted.

Sebastian was annoyed that he wanted to laugh at that, "I know. I'm _always _right. You can admit it."

Roope scoffed, "Not even half the time." He sighed, "What do you expect me to do with this? I mean besides kill Teuvo."

That was a good question and he didn't have a good answer. "Well, that's a good start. And... I don't know... but..."

"You want me to dump Miro, don't you?" It was barely a question, but there was still something in his voice, Sebastian could hear, that told him Roope hoped he'd let him off the hook. But he couldn't. The feeling of discovering what Teuvo had been doing was still too acute to let Miro do the same thing to someone else and have his boyfriend be a party to it.

"You don't I don't care if you fuck him, but... he needs to tell Eeli." Sebastian didn't want to be the moral _whatever _but facts were facts.

"That's not my call." Roope pointed out, "That's between him and Eeli."

"He made it your call, you helped him lie. You know I was listening to you that whole time."

Roope scoffed, "Yeah, of course. I was surprised you didn't come join us."

Sebastian shook his head, "Your boy is skittish and he doesn't like me. He wouldn't have let me, and it would have ruined the nice show you put on for me. It was damn hot, you watching me watch you get fucked." He was fully aware that Roope was changing the subject by bringing up sex, but he would let him get away with it for a while. Too much emotional bullshit all at once was difficult. He needed a breather as much as Roope did. They chatted on about that night, and then about threesomes they'd had in the past, nothing too explicit but enough that they could just enjoy talking and not have to think too much.

"Where are you now?" Roope asked.

Sebastian didn't answer right away, waiting for a road sign, "Uh... Hyvinkää? I think."

Roope groaned, "That's still at least an hour. I'm horny."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, "You're _always _horny."

"What's your point?" Roope countered.

Sebastian laughed, "It's one of my favorite things about you." He sighed, "But hey, we've gotta talk about the other stuff. And you know damn well once I get there, you're going to have me naked and--"

"Yeah, like you're going to complain about that." Roope was rolling his eyes, he could hear it.

"I'm not _saying _that. I _want _you to fuck me through the mattress the damn minute I walk through the door, but we have to talk first. So we might as well do it now, since you can't grope me from there." Sebastian was glad he couldn't see how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. He didn't like the fact he was worried about how Roope was going to respond to this. He was used to knowing what he was going to say even before he thought of saying it. And maybe it was the insecurity of just finding out his boyfriend cheated on him, but he didn't know how this was going to go and he didn't like it.

Roope sighed, "Fine. I'm pissed at Teuvo because he upset you. I want to kick his fucking ass. But I'm also kinda pissed that what he did has to interfere with what Miro and I have. I heard your point. And I get that cheating is shitty, but that's Miro's problem, not mine. My boyfriend knows about him. He knows about you. That's all I have to be responsible for."

Sebastian was quiet for a moment. He could have danced around it, but that had never been their way, "_That's _kinda shitty. You're letting him cheat. You're... doing what Daddy did. Like my relationship with Teukka isn't his problem, but fuck him for fucking my boyfriend. But us, we're honest, always have been. That's what the whole thing is built on, that's what being in our kind of relationship is _about_. But you let Miro cheat with you and you're... lying. You're lying like Teukka did and like Miro does. You're not _open_, like we are, you're _lying_."

"It doesn't count that I never actually lied to him, does it?" Roope's tone said he already knew the answer to that.

Sebastian scoffed, "That's stupid and you know it. You were playing fucking games with him. You think Teukka did that to me? Didn't _lie _but it's still a fucking lie. Maybe he _is _a bad liar but maybe he can do that careful truth bullshit as well as you do it. I don't know. And I'm _pissed _that I don't know." 

"Okay, look, comparing me to Daddy is enough to prove your point. I get it. But... I tell Miro that he has to tell Eeli, and it goes one of two ways. Either Miro dumps me, or Eeli dumps Miro. And if I had to bet... well, you lose Teuvo, I lose Miro. That's fair, right?" There wasn't spite in Roope's voice, but Sebastian could hear the beginnings of _something _he didn't like. 

"That's _not _what I mean! I don't care if Miro picks you! This isn't a jealousy thing. It's an _honesty _thing." Sebastian snapped, "Don't be a fucking asshole about this! I have _never _cared who you fucked. _Ever. _I know I'm first, I don't _care _about whatever else. You can date the whole fucking Stars roster, I don't care. But cheaters _suck. _Liars _suck. _That's what this is about!" 

Roope was silent for a long moment, but Sebastian could hear him breathing, so he waited. Finally, he spoke, "I'll call Miro."

Sebastian let out a long breath, "I'll be there in about half an hour, you have that long. Then you're fucking me so hard I won't be able to remember my own name no matter all this bullshit." 

Roope laughed, but it was strained and hollow, "Sounds damn good."

Sebastian hated that he couldn't touch him after hearing him sound like that. "I love you." 

Roope sighed, as if that was what he needed to hear, "I love you too."

. . . .

"Why is he calling you?" Eeli held Miro's phone out so he could read the caller ID.

Miro sighed, "I don't know." He reached for his phone, half expecting Eeli to pull it away, but he didn't. He swiped to answer, "Hello?"

"Hey. Catch you at a bad time?" Roope asked with a tone that suggested he hoped the answer was yes.

He let the oven door close, "Not really. I'm in the middle of making dinner, but it's cooking. Something wrong?"

'We need to talk." He sighed.

Miro looked over to Eeli, "Hang on." He muted the call, taking a second to figure out what he was going to say, "He needs to talk about something. I know he's been having some issues with his boyfriend... Can you just keep an eye on this," He gestured to the oven, "while I deal with him?"

Eeli nodded, "No problem." He leaned in to kiss Miro's cheek, "I trust you, don't look so worried."

Miro forced a smile, as if _that _was what he was worried about, "I know. Thanks." He stepped out onto the balcony and closed the slider behind him. He took in a deep breath, pushing away the guilt at lying to Eeli and his nerves at whatever Roope was about to say. When he was ready, he unmuted the call, "Okay, what's up?"

Roope sighed again, "It's not going to work.... you lying to Eeli, it's not going to work."

"_What?!" _Miro blinked. "I thought we had this all set up. You said--"

"I know what I said, but I've been thinking about it a lot." Miro could hear the lie in his voice, and he wasn't usually good at picking out that kind of thing, which meant that Roope wasn't even _trying _to hide it.

"Did _Sebastian _tell you to say something to me?" Miro asked, sharply.

Roope didn't answer right away, which was enough of an answer. "You want to know the whole thing?"

"It'd be nice to have a fucking _clue _what was going on right now, yeah." Miro didn't swear much, and he was almost surprised to hear how angry his own voice sounded. He knew he had told Roope, more than once, that they couldn't do this, but now that Roope was telling him, he was angry about it. He was fully aware that didn't make any sense, but neither did half the things he felt, so it wasn't much cause for concern.

Roope sighed, "Okay, Sepe found out that Teuvo was cheating with Daddy all along. And he got me thinking that... it's pretty shitty to cheat. I know I'm not, but I'm helping you to and that's... I don't want to do that."

Miro closed his eyes and felt the laugh bubble up. Was he _kidding?! _He had to be. This was a joke. "So your... _morals _are completely dictated by what _Sebastian _does?"

"Uh... yeah? Pretty much." Roope didn't sound embarrassed by that. It sounded as if it should have been followed by 'duh' instead of 'sorry'.

Miro took in a deep breath, he didn't want to say too much. It took a lot to anger him, usually, but not today. And getting so angry, so _fast_ was hard to control. But there was no reason to get nasty, it wouldn't help the situation. "So what does this mean?"

"It means... I do love you. But if you want to be with me... you need to tell Eeli the truth." That Roope could say that and not laugh was impressive.

"What about Sebastian?" He asked.

"Nothing has changed there. I'm still with him." Roope said.

Miro took in another breath. "So... let me get this straight. You want me to tell Eeli about you. And we know he's going to dump me. And then I can be with you... and you're still going to be with Sebastian?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck you."

Roope coughed, "Okay, I deserved that. But just listen. Sepe and I have this kind of relationship. Yeah, it's open, but we're honest. We tell each other about other people, and we tell other people about us. And that... that works for us. When Sepe got with Teuvo, we talked about that. That, uh, branch, I guess, of our relationship was closed. Sepe was with Teuvo, but Teuvo wasn't with anyone else. But then we find out that he _was. _And no one asked us if we wanted Daddy to be part of our relationship. So that's _cheating. _So with you... me and you are together, and that's fine. But Eeli, no one asked him if he wants to be, uh, a branch. So that's why that's cheating, because no one asked _him_."

Miro had stayed quiet through all that because it was almost like listening to the plot of a novel. But no, this was his life, and Roope really had the nerve to call him up, just weeks after they'd settled everything perfectly, to tell him that it didn't work for _him _anymore because _he _didn't want to cheat on Eeli all of a sudden. "He'll say no." He pointed out. There was no doubt in his mind. "And then he'll dump me for even asking after he already forgave me once."

"Yeah... I kinda assumed that." Roope replied.

Miro huffed, "So really, you're asking me to pick."

"I guess...." Roope sighed, "Yeah, I am."

Miro didn't hesitate, "I pick Eeli."

"I thought you would." Roope admitted, "And... uh, _good_. So I'll see you when we get back to Dallas."

"See you then." He echoed back, before hanging up. He sat there for a moment, just looking out over the city. He'd loved Eeli since before he even knew what love was. The idea of asking him permission to cheat on him was insane. Of course Roope knew that, but he still had the nerve to present it like there were options there. There was no choice. He couldn't lose Eeli, not for anything. He had thought that Roope telling him he loved him _meant _something, made him _important _in his life, but that was stupid. Sebastian was clearly the only one that was or ever would be important to him. Once, he'd had the idea that saying the words meant he'd be equal with him, but that phone call proved how wrong that was.

He left his phone on the table as he wandered back into the kitchen. Eeli had his back to him and he slipped up behind him, draping his arms over his shoulders, kissing the side of his neck. He wasn't _too_ much taller than him, but every inch counted.

"Solve all of his problems?" Eeli asked, leaning back against him.

"Mmhmm," he murmured into the side of his neck, "Got me thinking, though."

Eeli turned his head, "About what?"

Miro laughed, "How I'm glad I don't have their problems." Well, at least he didn't have them _any more_. "I love you so much."

Eeli gave a contented sigh, "I love you too. I'm glad we don't have their problems, too."

Miro leaned in, whispering beside his ear, "Eeli... do you want to get married?"

. . . .

"You can't just..." Teuvo wasn't sure what followed those words, because clearly he _could _just any damn thing he wanted to. Teuvo had watched his boyfriend walk out the door because Kimmo _could _just walk into his kitchen and kiss him like two years hadn't passed. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Even pretending that he had to think about it would have been a joke and they both knew it.

Kimmo nodded, though, as if his words weren't just lip service, "I know and I _shouldn't _just... but I did. And I have no regrets." He reached out to touch his cheek and Teuvo did all he could not to close his eyes, "I missed you so much. So damn much."

"Why did you wait?" The words came out before he could think about how it sounded. Teuvo laughed a little, soft and breathy, correcting himself pointlessly, "I mean... it's been two years."

"You were happy." Kimmo shrugged a little, "I wanted you to be happy."

Teuvo's eyebrow went up at that, "I was still happy. Wny now?" Kimmo's hand dropped back into his lap, and for a split second Teuvo regretted what he'd said. But he wouldn't let that show as he waited for the reply.

He sighed, "Part of it was me being selfish, like always. And part... was a conversation I had with Sami."

Teuvo bit back the words 'Kassu's dad?' because that wasn't how he was supposed to be interacting with Kimmo's friends. But he _had _gone out to dinner a bunch of times with Sebastian and Kasperi and his boy when they'd played the Leafs, so it was difficult to draw the line. Maybe someday they'd be comfortable enough in their relationship for that question, but that sure as hell wasn't today. "Yeah?"

Kimmo took in a deep breath, "I'm going to get us some drinks first." It was _almost _a question, but not quite. Nevertheless, Kimmo waited for Teuvo's nod before he got up to walk into the kitchen, which was nice. Teuvo turned to watch him, and the ease with which he knew what cabinets to go to, exactly where everything was. Part of him wished he had changed things around, just to make it difficult, but he hadn't. He supposed that was how his whole life was. He might have added a few new things, but fundamentally nothing changed, and Kimmo could always walk right back in and know exactly where everything was.

Teuvo took the glass offered him and sipped on it. Of course he remember his drink too, he wasn't surprised. He put the glass on the coffee table. It wouldn't help him at all to get even a little tipsy. "You were talking with Sami?"

Kimmo scoffed a little, "Yes, he was talking about how Kasperi's boyfriend has... _another _boyfriend, that he sees in the summer. And how this doesn't sit well with him, but that Kasperi doesn't seem to mind it. He hadn't told Sami about it, because he knew he wouldn't approve, but things happened this summer that forced his hand. And in the course of the conversation, he also tells Sami that plenty of his friends are in the same kind of relationship. And one of them that he mentioned was... _Sebastian."_ He nearly spit his name out. "Did you know about that?"

Teuvo laughed, "Of course I know about that. He's not _subtle_."

Kimmo looked surprised, "And you're fine with it? With your _boyfriend," _Another word that didn't come out easily, "having another one?"

Teuvo shrugged, "He was honest with me from the beginning. He's been with Roope since they were teenagers. But they have an open relationship. Roope has another boyfriend, too. He and Sepe see each other during the summer, and when we play the Stars, but for the most part it's over the phone."

"Would you want to do that?" He asked, almost hesitantly.

Teuvo shook his head, "I'm monogamous, but I don't mind that he's not. We talked a lot about it. That's what people in relationships do, they talk about things." He wasn't sure where this sudden rush of sass and self-confidence had come from, but he was very proud of himself for having it.

He watched Kimmo's shoulders drop and could nearly _feel _the tension release. It made him wonder what would have happened if he'd said yes. But as it was, he got what he was looking for. "I deserved that. I'm sorry." Kimmo said with a sigh.

"I know." Teuvo reached out and took his hand. He knew exactly what the next line would be.

"Will you forgive me?" He asked, wrapping both his hands around Teuvo's.

"Don't I always?" Teuvo replied, without anger, without sarcasm.

Kimmo nodded slowly, "You do. But it's never going to happen again. Teukka, I love you."

Teuvo nodded, but he didn't believe him. Oh he knew he loved him, but he wasn't sure this wasn't just another uphill on the roller coaster. "I love you too, but I probably _shouldn't _take you back. You remember last time? I said 'all or nothing', and you picked _nothing_." He didn't mean a word of what he was saying, but he could see Kimmo tense a little. In two years, he'd learned a thing or two, and Kimmo couldn't read him as clearly as he always could. He could see doubt and he was glad. There hadn't been any doubt in the kitchen when he kissed him, but now that he had his senses, he could foster just a little bit. That was enough.

Kimmo looked at him for a long moment and panic started to creep into Teuvo's stomach. What if he'd played that part _too _well? What if he agreed that he shouldn't and he walked away again? He'd missed him every day for the past two years and what if his stupid burst of sass pushed him away for good? He almost opened his mouth to take it back when Kimmo spoke.

"I was wrong. And I _am_ sorry." His tone was raw and _honest__. _A sincere apology, not the script they'd followed for years.

Teuvo's eyes went wide for a moment before he tried to blink the surprise away. He couldn't remember Kimmo _ever _admitting he was wrong. Certainly not just out there in words like that. If Teuvo had the nerve to prove anything he'd said incorrect, he'd just shrug it off if he couldn't argue back. But here he was using the words right out there like that. For a moment, Teuvo didn't know what to say other than 'yes you were' and that didn't seem appropriate for the moment. He took in a couple deep breaths. "I believe you." He _wanted _to believe him, and that was just as important as actually believing him.

Kimmo understood that, too, he could see it on his face, "I'll prove it to you. If you'll let me?"

His second shock in the span of two minutes. That was a _question_. He heard it, it was unmistakable, and he could see Kimmo waiting for an answer. Which meant he had the opportunity to say no and have that no listened to. That fact that he wasn't going to was irrelevant, Kimmo was still _asking _him and waiting for an answer that he didn't already know. In that moment, he had to accept how unequal their relationship had been because right then was the first time he was feeling _equal_. He hadn't known to miss it until he had it. But it was a wonderful feeling, one he could get used to. "You can spend the rest of our lives proving it to me."

Kimmo smiled at that, and pulled him into a deep, _grateful _kiss. 


End file.
